I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
