So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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