she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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