I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
