Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
