we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
