I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
