it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
