My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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