Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
