i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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