Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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