When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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