I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
