My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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