too bad you live with your parents still
farters have to be the big spoon...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
