benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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