THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
