I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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