I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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