scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
