I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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