Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
