Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
