No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Come on in and take your pants off
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
