Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
