my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need a beard to bite.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
