does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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