I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
