She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
