You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
