I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
