Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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