Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I believe in your delicious
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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