Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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