I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is Oprah even human
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
