yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
