You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want her autograph on my taint
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
