too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
