her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
