My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
