need another drink. this is the easiest way
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
