good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
