I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
