Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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