When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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