Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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