You smell like a Billy Joel song
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
