it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
