Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
