I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
