my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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