That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
