I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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